So, apparently I'm the new French teacher at a high school here. It's a part-time gig. I wasn't really sure I'd even end up with the job because I figured who would hire someone who hadn't taught in 3 years. Anyway, I got the job. I have moments of major freak out about whether or not I'm ready to go back to work. I have other moments where I'm really looking forward to it and am ready for the new challenge. I worry about Jake at daycare. I hope he handles it ok. I worry about Ellie riding the bus. I also worry about all the time I have to give up away from my family. I know that it will all be ok. I don't think that this would've fallen in my lap if it wasn't where I was supposed to be. Those of you who read this, if anyone does, keep me in your thoughts and prayers with this new endeavor.
Also, I have to go complete my jury duty on August 1st. Lord help me there. I am nervous about going back but I've decided that it will all be ok and I'm looking forward to a day to sit and read my book.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Complaints
I'm going to complain here about several things that have been bothering me lately.
1. Jury Duty - I had a horrible jury duty experience at the beginning of this week and unfortunately have to go back because apparently my 8 hours in the jury room and courtroom don't count. And having the judge yell at me that I think I'm so special because I have no one to watch my children and can't come back the next morning at 9 am, just really was the icing on the cake. I understand that it's our obligation since we live in a free society, blah blah blah, but seriously, I don't ever want to have to do that again. Horrible. I have anxiety anyway, and that just threw me over the edge. I'm actually going to ask my doctor to write me a letter to see if they'll excuse me.
2. People asking for money - I have a former friend who keeps asking people for money. My opinion is that if you don't have the money for this extra thing in your lives, then you don't need that extra thing. The economy is horrible right now. People are worrying about how they're going to feed their children and you're asking for money for something ridiculous? Yeah, no, f you! Not happening.
3. Divorce - coming from a broken home myself, I always feel major pain when people divorce. Sometimes divorce is what needs to happen, but I know the pain and suffering that my mother, sister and I went through during the time the divorce was in progress. It's not easy to tear a family apart and no matter which side you are on, it still hurts. I've seen too many families recently who are going through this and my heart hurts for them all. I'm afraid for my friendships because I feel like now we can't do things as families, it's now one on one and I liked being able to do things as families. I also worry about the children involved in these situations. I know how messed up it made me and I worry that these children will have major problems with relationships.
I'm not judging anyone, well except the people in complaint #2 - and that's a specific family that I'm talking about. I understand that some people like jury duty - good for them - I wish that I had a better attitude about it, but I don't. I also understand that divorce is inevitable for some families. It still breaks my heart and I hate to see people go through that.
1. Jury Duty - I had a horrible jury duty experience at the beginning of this week and unfortunately have to go back because apparently my 8 hours in the jury room and courtroom don't count. And having the judge yell at me that I think I'm so special because I have no one to watch my children and can't come back the next morning at 9 am, just really was the icing on the cake. I understand that it's our obligation since we live in a free society, blah blah blah, but seriously, I don't ever want to have to do that again. Horrible. I have anxiety anyway, and that just threw me over the edge. I'm actually going to ask my doctor to write me a letter to see if they'll excuse me.
2. People asking for money - I have a former friend who keeps asking people for money. My opinion is that if you don't have the money for this extra thing in your lives, then you don't need that extra thing. The economy is horrible right now. People are worrying about how they're going to feed their children and you're asking for money for something ridiculous? Yeah, no, f you! Not happening.
3. Divorce - coming from a broken home myself, I always feel major pain when people divorce. Sometimes divorce is what needs to happen, but I know the pain and suffering that my mother, sister and I went through during the time the divorce was in progress. It's not easy to tear a family apart and no matter which side you are on, it still hurts. I've seen too many families recently who are going through this and my heart hurts for them all. I'm afraid for my friendships because I feel like now we can't do things as families, it's now one on one and I liked being able to do things as families. I also worry about the children involved in these situations. I know how messed up it made me and I worry that these children will have major problems with relationships.
I'm not judging anyone, well except the people in complaint #2 - and that's a specific family that I'm talking about. I understand that some people like jury duty - good for them - I wish that I had a better attitude about it, but I don't. I also understand that divorce is inevitable for some families. It still breaks my heart and I hate to see people go through that.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Medical problems
Thursday after I wrote my previous blog I had a few more palpitations. Friday I had a couple in the evening. But I got great news on Friday. I went to my doctor in the morning to follow up after the ER visit. I totally cried to my doctor about things and talked about what was going on with the heart palpitations and the anxiety, etc. At that point we didn't have my blood work and the EKG from the ER, so I went to my chiropractor appointment and then waited around for like 40 minutes and finally the ER got my stuff to me. My doc pulled me into the hallway and showed me what was found - my EKG was normal, for sure. Two things from my blood work was weird - my white blood cell count was high (I go back in for repeat blood work on that in 2 weeks) and my TSH was high - which means my thyroid is low! Turns out I'm hypothyroid and that can cause heart palpitations, depression, anxiety, exhaustion, brittle nails, dry skin... the list goes on and on. Those are just the minor symptoms I've been having for a while. I'm so relieved because now we're pretty sure we know why I'm having the heart palpitations and why I've been feeling SO awful. I'm now on thyroid meds and am going to be monitored very closely. If when my thyroid is normal, I'm still having palpitations, then I will have to go through the process of a halter monitor for my heart and seeing what's wrong with my heart. Praying that thyroid is the answer and that I have a pretty easy fix here.
While at the doc I asked about dancing at the Wyandotte County Ethnic Festival because I was scheduled to dance this morning (Saturday). I was able to and very excited about it. The show went really well and as far as I know the knew dance looked really good. I wish I had pictures to upload from it, but I don't yet. I think my friend Angel's son took some, but I'm unsure.
While at the doc I asked about dancing at the Wyandotte County Ethnic Festival because I was scheduled to dance this morning (Saturday). I was able to and very excited about it. The show went really well and as far as I know the knew dance looked really good. I wish I had pictures to upload from it, but I don't yet. I think my friend Angel's son took some, but I'm unsure.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Mommy guilt
My mom's quote from the other day really summarizes my life. "You have made being a stay at home job one of the worst jobs I could possibly imagine. You are so busy and you never have time for yourself."
At first I laughed and then I realized that she was right. I love being a stay at home mom. I love being able to raise my children, be there when they are sick, teach them awesome things by going on field trips or even making a grocery trip a learning experience. I love cooking - which 4 years ago, I would have told you that i hated it. I honestly love trying new recipes and figuring out how to make them better/easier/etc. But my week is booked. Every single day I have something to do, somewhere to go. I occasionally have days where I stay home and enjoy watching tv/movies with Jake. Sometimes we only have 1 errand to run and then I spend the rest of the day at home playing with Jake. I feel guilty if I don't run at least one load of laundry or do a load of dishes. I feel guilty if I don't help out up at Ellie's school when I can and do extra stuff up there. With that, came complete exhaustion. I'm so tired, constantly, from not being able to let myself rest.
My body finally told me that I had to rest. I didn't have a choice. After my dance rehearsal on Tuesday night I was trying to go to bed but my heart kept racing and then would slow down a lot and then thump back into a normal heartbeat. It did it over and over again and it really scared me. I ended up going to the Emergency Room because I couldn't get it to stop. They did an EKG and blood work and apparently it's all normal - I'm just exhausted. James and I finally got home Wednesday morning at 2:45. Thank God he stayed home with me on Wednesday so that I could rest and try and get feeling back to normal. I had a couple more times where the palpitations came on Wednesday but not near as bad as Tuesday night. Last night I didn't have them at all and today honestly, I feel mostly normal. I go back to the doctor on Friday to see what they have to say.
What this has made me realize is that I can no longer have mommy guilt or guilt at all for saying no. I am going to take better care of myself - which I had already started to do by eating more healthfully and also exercising more. I've lost another 4 lbs. I feel like slowly but surely I'm going to reach my physical health goals. Now I have to focus on my mental health goals. I can no longer be so stressed out all the time. It isn't good. I have to let things go. I have to focus on me. So, please don't be offended if I tell you no for something soon, I have decided that for my mental health, I'm going to say no a lot more. I'm not going to be taken advantage of and feel angry about it. I'm not going to kill myself trying to clean my house and do laundry because my house looks lived in and not pristine. No more mommy guilt.
At first I laughed and then I realized that she was right. I love being a stay at home mom. I love being able to raise my children, be there when they are sick, teach them awesome things by going on field trips or even making a grocery trip a learning experience. I love cooking - which 4 years ago, I would have told you that i hated it. I honestly love trying new recipes and figuring out how to make them better/easier/etc. But my week is booked. Every single day I have something to do, somewhere to go. I occasionally have days where I stay home and enjoy watching tv/movies with Jake. Sometimes we only have 1 errand to run and then I spend the rest of the day at home playing with Jake. I feel guilty if I don't run at least one load of laundry or do a load of dishes. I feel guilty if I don't help out up at Ellie's school when I can and do extra stuff up there. With that, came complete exhaustion. I'm so tired, constantly, from not being able to let myself rest.
My body finally told me that I had to rest. I didn't have a choice. After my dance rehearsal on Tuesday night I was trying to go to bed but my heart kept racing and then would slow down a lot and then thump back into a normal heartbeat. It did it over and over again and it really scared me. I ended up going to the Emergency Room because I couldn't get it to stop. They did an EKG and blood work and apparently it's all normal - I'm just exhausted. James and I finally got home Wednesday morning at 2:45. Thank God he stayed home with me on Wednesday so that I could rest and try and get feeling back to normal. I had a couple more times where the palpitations came on Wednesday but not near as bad as Tuesday night. Last night I didn't have them at all and today honestly, I feel mostly normal. I go back to the doctor on Friday to see what they have to say.
What this has made me realize is that I can no longer have mommy guilt or guilt at all for saying no. I am going to take better care of myself - which I had already started to do by eating more healthfully and also exercising more. I've lost another 4 lbs. I feel like slowly but surely I'm going to reach my physical health goals. Now I have to focus on my mental health goals. I can no longer be so stressed out all the time. It isn't good. I have to let things go. I have to focus on me. So, please don't be offended if I tell you no for something soon, I have decided that for my mental health, I'm going to say no a lot more. I'm not going to be taken advantage of and feel angry about it. I'm not going to kill myself trying to clean my house and do laundry because my house looks lived in and not pristine. No more mommy guilt.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
It's been a year, might as well post again...
As you can see, I'm horrible about blogging. I have so many wonderful mommy friends who blog all the time. I wish I had the time, motivation, energy, things to write about... well, I'm hoping to start having more things to write about. (Honestly, I have TONS to write about and maybe that's my problem...)
Anyway, Jake just turned 3 and he's SO full of energy that I find myself not being able to keep up. It doesn't help that I'm the heaviest I've ever been, non-pregnant. I was recently diagnose with bursitis in my hip and while my doctor gave me a cortisol shot, and it helped, I'm still having some pain with it. I've realized the only way to get rid of the pain is to lose the weight. So I decided 2 weeks ago that I was going to change my eating habits. I wasn't doing this for anyone but me and my family. I want to be around for a very long time and to enjoy my children growing up and enjoy my children's children.
So my focus is 5 servings of fruit and veggies a day (which is REALLY hard to do), smaller portion sizes, 6 small meals a day instead of 3 large meals, and trying to work out for at least 30 minutes a day.
Today I weighed myself for the first time in 2 weeks - in that time I've lost 7 pounds. That's mostly just focusing on food intake. This week I've exercised every day for at least 30 minutes (I realize it's only Wednesday, but 3 days in a row is good!)
So, I figure, if I can lose 2 pounds a week, in 6 months I'll have reached my goal. And don't get me wrong, I totally have cheated on my diet - Saturday I blew the whole day by drinking a bunch at this fundraiser. I've had ice cream a couple times. I just figure it's all about moderation and making sure that I keep active and get my fruits and veggies. The worst part is that I really hate salad and I'm eating A LOT of salad. It's going ok though and I figure I'll just do the best I can.
Anyway, Jake just turned 3 and he's SO full of energy that I find myself not being able to keep up. It doesn't help that I'm the heaviest I've ever been, non-pregnant. I was recently diagnose with bursitis in my hip and while my doctor gave me a cortisol shot, and it helped, I'm still having some pain with it. I've realized the only way to get rid of the pain is to lose the weight. So I decided 2 weeks ago that I was going to change my eating habits. I wasn't doing this for anyone but me and my family. I want to be around for a very long time and to enjoy my children growing up and enjoy my children's children.
So my focus is 5 servings of fruit and veggies a day (which is REALLY hard to do), smaller portion sizes, 6 small meals a day instead of 3 large meals, and trying to work out for at least 30 minutes a day.
Today I weighed myself for the first time in 2 weeks - in that time I've lost 7 pounds. That's mostly just focusing on food intake. This week I've exercised every day for at least 30 minutes (I realize it's only Wednesday, but 3 days in a row is good!)
So, I figure, if I can lose 2 pounds a week, in 6 months I'll have reached my goal. And don't get me wrong, I totally have cheated on my diet - Saturday I blew the whole day by drinking a bunch at this fundraiser. I've had ice cream a couple times. I just figure it's all about moderation and making sure that I keep active and get my fruits and veggies. The worst part is that I really hate salad and I'm eating A LOT of salad. It's going ok though and I figure I'll just do the best I can.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Halloween
This year has been a lot of fun and also insanely busy as Halloween's go. We've had a million parties and Jake has enjoyed it this year, but also I'm head room mom and was put in charge of planning our class's Halloween party.
Friday, March 5, 2010
99 things I ought to do - list
I know I still haven't posted pics of Jake for his 2nd birthday. Will try to work on that on Sunday. Saturday is the Ethnic Cultural Commission ball and we'll be out WAY late.
Instructions:
Copy the list, bold the ones you've done (with explanations if needed), share with friends.
1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii (my sister marched in the King Kamehameha parade when she was in high school and I got to go too.)
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland (world but not land)
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis (I don't do bugs)
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped (I don't do heights)
12. Visited Paris (Went in high school with my teacher. Traveled through many other times though.)
13. Watched a thunder and lightning storm (I live in Missouri - love me some thunderstorms)
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch (not sure if crocheting or knitting or scrapbooking counts, but I have taught myself how to do those things.)
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France (I have pictures!)
20. Slept on an overnight train (My family did a train trip for one of our vacations and we slept overnight one time.)
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon (I don't run)
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse (When I was in Jr. High we had one and my mom took me out of school to watch it.)
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa (It's on my list)
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight (In Hawaii)
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris (One of my favorite memories, I can't wait to take James and the kids)
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business (I've got some great ideas, but I'm terrified to do it on my own)
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies (this was my first year as a girl scout, it went well)
62. Gone whale watching (It's one of my favorite memories of my grandma. She took us on our trip to Cape Cod.)
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy (My mom saved several of my toys)
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square (Our trip to NYC in 2007)
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London (My trip to London in 2001)
77. Broken a bone (knock on wood, no)
78. Been a passenger on a motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book (This is on my list to do too)
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Kissed a stranger at midnight on New Year’s Eve
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. had chickenpox (Twice, in fact)
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous (I've met Chris Carraba from Dashboard Confessional, John Ralston, Mo from Save Ferris, Tori Amos, and Diamond Dallas Page.)
92. Joined a book club
93. Got a tattoo (Butterfly tramp stamp - it is symbolic of my growth after being raped in high school - a transformation into who I am today.)
94. Had a baby (two beautiful children)
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee (In the middle of my forehead, at the zoo)
Instructions:
Copy the list, bold the ones you've done (with explanations if needed), share with friends.
1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii (my sister marched in the King Kamehameha parade when she was in high school and I got to go too.)
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland (world but not land)
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis (I don't do bugs)
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped (I don't do heights)
12. Visited Paris (Went in high school with my teacher. Traveled through many other times though.)
13. Watched a thunder and lightning storm (I live in Missouri - love me some thunderstorms)
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch (not sure if crocheting or knitting or scrapbooking counts, but I have taught myself how to do those things.)
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France (I have pictures!)
20. Slept on an overnight train (My family did a train trip for one of our vacations and we slept overnight one time.)
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon (I don't run)
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse (When I was in Jr. High we had one and my mom took me out of school to watch it.)
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa (It's on my list)
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight (In Hawaii)
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris (One of my favorite memories, I can't wait to take James and the kids)
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business (I've got some great ideas, but I'm terrified to do it on my own)
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies (this was my first year as a girl scout, it went well)
62. Gone whale watching (It's one of my favorite memories of my grandma. She took us on our trip to Cape Cod.)
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy (My mom saved several of my toys)
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square (Our trip to NYC in 2007)
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London (My trip to London in 2001)
77. Broken a bone (knock on wood, no)
78. Been a passenger on a motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book (This is on my list to do too)
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Kissed a stranger at midnight on New Year’s Eve
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. had chickenpox (Twice, in fact)
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous (I've met Chris Carraba from Dashboard Confessional, John Ralston, Mo from Save Ferris, Tori Amos, and Diamond Dallas Page.)
92. Joined a book club
93. Got a tattoo (Butterfly tramp stamp - it is symbolic of my growth after being raped in high school - a transformation into who I am today.)
94. Had a baby (two beautiful children)
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee (In the middle of my forehead, at the zoo)
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