2 weeks into the school year

So, I've just started my 4th year teaching at my current school.  I couldn't be happier.  The students I have this year are wonderful.  I'm a little concerned about my 4th hour only because it's such a BIG class, but they are great kids and they try really hard.  I think it'll be ok.  I'm super excited about the exchange this year and I know it's going to be fantastic.  

I think my biggest concern right now is that I'm still having issues with my sciatic nerve.  I've ended up with Piriformis Syndrome which is causing major sciatic pain down my right leg.  I'm stretching like crazy, doing my exercises and trying not to overdo it, but I'm so over this.  I wanted to be WAY better by now.  I guess the good news is that my back feels amazing!!!  I know that I'll get this figured out and it'll all be ok.

We've had a crazy week with illnesses and injuries.  Last weekend Jake had a temp of 102, the next day seemed to be fine.  Monday night Ellie injured her thumb at gymnastics and it was still hurting on Thursday - so I ended up taking her to children's mercy and she's got a splint that she's supposed to wear to school and at home for the next 5 days.  So then Saturday morning she woke up with a fever of 101.5 and was feeling like crap - she ended up with strep throat.  So now I'm praying that I don't end up with strep since I've been on steroids for my Piriformis Syndrome.

It ended up being a relaxing Saturday and mostly relaxing today so that Ellie can get better.  We watched a ton of Doctor Who prepping for the new episode last night.  Today so far we've played video games, cleaned out my closet so that James can put a new closet organizer up, and hopefully will relax the rest of the day.  

I have really bad Sunday night blues and so I have to take care of myself to not get overwhelmed about going back to work - it's not that I don't like work.  I don't even have to worry as I already have lesson plans written for this week, but's just that it goes back to not being with my kids and my husband all day.  I love having family days.  I love my time with everyone at home.

My summer 2014

So, it seems like this blog was dead, or at least I just hadn't had time to deal with it, but I wanted to come back to it.  I'm trying to decide what direction I'm going to take it.  I'm considering keeping it about my life, family, etc and then creating a new one for my teaching.  

At any rate, this last school year was amazing.  I was at Chrisman only and I had a full schedule of amazing students.  I really loved all of them.  I felt like this was my best year teaching ever.  I'm hoping that every year I'll get better and more effective.

The worst part about this year is that my back had decided to become awful.  Some of you know I've been dealing with some back problems for a while now - since I was pregnant with Ellie so like almost 11 years.  At any rate, in March it got so bad that I could barely walk.  I ended up going to the doctor, getting X-rays and other scans and eventually an MRI.  I had a bulging disc and it was putting pressure on my sciatic nerve.  It was causing severe pain and also tingling down my right leg.  I ended up getting 3 epidural shots in the nerve and while they helped some, they didn't help enough to make a difference.  I ended up going to a neurosurgeon and they got me into surgery almost a week later.  So, I've had a microdiscectomy and laminectomy on my lower back.  It was amazing - when I woke up from surgery the pain was gone.  Now I had surgical pain to deal with and am still dealing with, but the original pain was completely gone.  I feel so much better now.

So, I'm spending my summer recovering from surgery.  I feel bad for my kids, they are stuck in the house with me.  I'm thankful for my friends and family who come to visit and bring meals.  They have truly made life a lot easier during this time.  

Tomorrow is the 4th of July - this is my first real outing since my surgery on June 17th.  I'm excited to get out but nervous about being sore and dealing with pain.  Luckily everyone is very understanding about what I'm dealing with.  

I'm hoping to post some pictures from tomorrow and update soon.  My goal is to really keep track of things here because my goals now are to get in shape and lose weight.  I need to keep myself motivated and be held accountable.  So, I'm looking to you all out there in Internet land to help me with that.  

Beginning of the year, Halloween, etc.

I haven't even looked to see when the last time I posted was.  I had intended to keep things going and really continue my blogging since I had been doing so well.  Anyway, off to my update...

School started with a whirlwind of activity this year.  It just seemed like the minute we started going, we didn't ever stop.  Each week would fly by and with no break in site I was getting exhausted.  My kiddos were feeling the same way so I knew it wasn't just me.  (And, after talking to several of my other teacher friends: elementary and high school levels, they all said the same thing) We all feel like we're just dragging this year.  It's not that the year isn't going well and it's not that we're unhappy with things (there are always minor things that we can be irritated with, but nothing serious).  I honestly wonder if the reason for the burnout feeling is that we really had no break from the moment we started school until today.  And the only reason we got the break today was because of a crazy week of parent/teacher conferences.

Luckily for me, I had a nice break last week when I went to the Foreign Language Association of Missouri (or FLAM) conference.  It was so nice to go and sit in professional development sessions that were actually valid and were useable in my classroom.  Foreign Language is SO different than any other type of teaching, and I know that administrators and higher ups in the education word don't really understand that.  Now if we started teaching this kids in the elementary levels, then maybe in the high school level, foreign language might look different, but we don't, so all of the FL teachers do the best we can and we try to implement these strategies that might not work in our classroom.  We try them, they fail, we might try again because we're a tenacious bunch, but then we give up because it just doesn't work and we stick to what we know does work.  Anyway, the FLAM conference was AWESOME!!  I came back with SO many amazing ideas and I can't wait to use them.  I'm actually going to be putting them to use starting next week!!  I love it when I go to things and can immediately bring something new to the classroom.  So that was a nice break - was it relaxing? No.  Only because for me it's stressful to be gone from my family and it's hard work sitting in the sessions even when they are exciting and rejuvenating.  Plus, it's always WAY more work to be gone from school than it is to just go and deal with it.

This last week, was a go and deal with it week - partly because it was too hard to be gone and partly because of parent/teacher conferences.  Apparently over last weekend I did something to my back and my sciatic nerve was ANGRY!  It was hurting so badly, I could barely walk, by Tuesday 11 am I was shaking and almost in tears from the pain, by Wednesday I was so done with it and was so grateful that I had a chiropractor and massage therapy appointment.  I love my massage therapist - she's amazing.  It's not fluffy feel good massage - she digs in there and actually fixes the problem.  I don't feel it's a good session with her unless I cry on the table.  I was upset though after I got up from my massage because I didn't feel instantly better, but I then went to the next room to my chiropractor and he got everything back where it was supposed to go!  It was instantaneous - I could walk again.  Now I'm having to watch it and still be careful because that muscle is so tight, but it's SO much better than it was. 

Anyway, so I sat through parent teacher conferences with my back killing me, and just dealt with it because it was easier to just be there and get it done.  Luckily, my students' parents are awesome.  It was a great night talking to these families.  I laughed a ton, I learned a lot about my students, and it's always nice to see the families that I know really well and that really enjoy seeing me.  It made me feel so validated and that I'm doing a good job.  Sometimes, as a teacher, I just need to hear that because honestly I feel like there are times what I'm doing doesn't matter at all.

So here we are, 1st real day off since Labor day.  I got to sleep in, I'm enjoying my coffee while the kiddos play.  We have a couple errands to run, but really today is going to be a lazy day.  I'm going to do some cleaning because on Halloween night our French exchange teacher arrives.  (More on that in a second).  But really I'm just going to take it easy and enjoy being with my kids.

This weekend we're going to do  lots of fun Halloween activities.  Saturday evening we're going to a friend's party, I'm working on convincing James to go to the zoo on Saturday morning for Boo at the Zoo.  Sunday we've been invited to two trunk or treats, and I think we're going to hit both of them, but one for sure.  Monday the kids are off school so Ellie and Jake will be at daycare all day together - which both kids actually really enjoy (I love my daycare!!).  I have professional development on Monday.  I'm hoping it will be something actually useable in my classroom.  I'm doing my best to go in with a good attitude because it definitely makes the day go faster if I'm not as grumpy. 

Halloween is on a Wednesday this year - which kind of drives me crazy.  I wish we didn't have to deal with it in the middle of the week.  Can't we have a Halloween observed on a Saturday evening?  That way kids aren't out super late and then are exhausted the next day?  I don't know, just my opinion.  We're doing a lot of our Halloweening (It can be a verb, right?) early because the French exchange kiddos arrive at 7:30 that evening.  I'm making my whole family go to the airport to meet our teacher who will be staying with us.   My kids are so excited to meet her and honestly I am too.  This is going to be such an amazing experience for my family and for my students.  Things I'm nervous about are: lack of privacy while they are here, how many activities we have planned on top of normal life activities, getting through my curriculum at school that I'm already behind on because of other things going on at school, etc.  Plus I'm already worrying about when we go to France in March.  I know it'll all be ok, I'm looking forward to France, but I'm also nervous about being away from my husband and kids.  I know they'll survive without me, but I'm going to miss them terribly.

Anyway, the plan is to go pick up Francoise and then get home as quickly as possible to let the kiddos go trick or treating for a little bit before bed.  We're all going to be exhausted Thursday morning, so I figure we'll just go with it.  I think several of my students are going to come with us because my neighbor, Ellie's friend's dad, has this awesome haunted house behind his house and all my students want to go. 

I'm hoping to post some pictures from Halloween and the French exchange while they are here, it probably won't happen until after the French leave.  It might not happen until Thanksgiving.  However, I am going to try and post at least once a month.  I find that I handle things better if I can write it out and see it in print and realize what I'm worrying about is silly. 

Cookie Dough Dip

I've become addicted to Pinterest in the last several months - looking for recipes mostly because I'm always looking for better ideas for dinners.  Well, this one post kept calling my name and it was the Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Dip.  So I found a recipe on Pinterest and decided to try it.  It was not good.  Basically it was cream cheese frosting with oats, flour, brown sugar and then m&m's and chocolate chips.  It looked really appetizing, but unless you wanted to just eat cream cheese frosting - it was lacking.

So in my craziness, because I can't let this go, I decided to try and make my own chocolate chip cookie dough dip.  It was awesome.  Basically I took the Nestle Tollhouse chocolate chip cookie recipe, left out the eggs, mixed it all in my electric mixer and while it was mixing I added some milk.  I have no idea how much I added, but it's up to you how much you want to add because it affects how thick the dip is.  I wanted mine a little thicker than frosting so that it would stay on the chocolate graham crackers that I served it with.  I tried my first bite and man I was thrilled.  THIS was what cookie dough dip was supposed to taste like.  The milk helped smooth out the flour texture and it was thick enough to be filling without being ridiculous.

As my friends and I were eating this last night, we thought of all the variations you could use: mini chocolate chips, m&m's, butterscotch chips, toffee chips.  You can serve it with chocolate graham crackers or vanilla wafers.

We all agreed that I was not allowed to bring this back to game night because it was SO addicting.  The entire bowl of it was gone by the time the night was over.  In my book, that's a major win.

Stupidly, I didn't take any pictures of the dip, I wish I had, but it looked just like cookie dough, because that's what it was.  I'll even attach a picture of cookie dough, so that I can pin my post to Pinterest in hopes of getting rid of the other nasty cookie dough dip recipes on there.  Cookie dough dip should not have cream cheese in it, even though I LOVE cream cheese.  It should taste like cookie dough, not cream cheese frosting.

Summer begins!!

I realized that I hadn't posted anything since Ellie's birthday. I'm a very bad blogger, however; there's been a lot going on. We had Ellie's Birthday, followed by the 2nd grade Luau, then my sister's baby shower and then it was May. May is an insanely busy month, especially for a teacher. I actually looked at it looked like I had started a post, and left it because I just had too much else to do.




School ended on May 21st, which also happens to be my birthday. I had several students write me very nice notes, bring me cake, gifts, etc. They were so sweet. The last day of school was a really good day. I was glad to see my students one last day and to wish them a good summer. The best news was that I was moving upstairs near my friends in the normal part of the school. I'm excited to be getting a nicer room and to have some storage within the room to put all my stuff. I also had it confirmed that I will be teaching hours 1-4 at my school and then teaching 6th hour at the other high school. It'll be stressful but good. I honestly need to get my butt working and get vocab lists and power points made for the 1st chapters for all levels.

Anyway... With school ending, summer began. We've been to the pool a ton. Kids have enjoyed swimming and learning how to roller skate at the skating rink. We also started swim lessons this week. Ellie loves it, Jake kind of does but the water has been really cold!


Another exciting thing in our lives - my sister had her baby on June 3rd. Adrienne Esther made her appearance at 11:28 weighing 8 lbs 3 ounces. She's a doll. I'm so proud of my sister too, she absolutely rocked labor and delivery and it wasn't easy. I know I couldn't have done what she did - pushing for 3 hours, etc. She absolutely kicked major ass. There aren't enough words to express how excited I am to have a niece and how awesome my sister is.

 



Before school ended I started seeing a massage therapist who does really intense deep tissue massage. She's amazing. It hurts, but I can definitely tell it's helping too. I'm always nervous when I go to see her, but I know it's really working. I've really enjoyed the first part of our summer here. I'm enjoying spending the time with my kiddos, reading books, watching movies and hopefully I can get my bathroom redone - that's my other goal!! :) We'll see if that actually happens or not.

Happy Birthday Ellie!!

Today is my wonderful Ellie's 8th birthday!! It's hard to believe that 8 years ago at 12:37 AM she came into our lives. She has thoroughly blessed us and I know she will continue to do so. She is one of the kindest, sweetest, most tenderhearted children I've ever met. She makes me want to be the best person I can be and in turn the best mom I can be.



This morning she woke to find her presents on the couch. I was very proud of her for being patient about opening them. Jake had told Ellie yesterday that she got a nerf gun from him, so James wrapped up one of his nerf guns. Ellie opened that one first and wasn't super excited about it. I explained what daddy did and then she opened the real gift. She was much more excited about the Doodle Dog thing that Jake got her. James and I got her Cynder and Flameslinger for the Skylander's game. That was a big hit too. Jake almost got upset because he hadn't gotten a skylander, but low and behold I had one waiting for him too. All is well in the Owens household this morning!! :)

Now off to clean house because we have Ellie's birthday party next weekend and then Bobbi's baby shower here in two weeks. I'm hoping to really deep clean today and then just spot clean between now and then.

Joyeux Poisson d'Avril!

Now traditionally I hate April Fool's day, but that's because I'm a teacher and I've had horrible things happen at school on that day. Luckily this year it's a Sunday and I'm grateful that neither my husband nor I believe in playing tricks on each other. I will say the French have a cool way of celebrating. They try and tape a paper fish on the back of someone without being noticed.

"In France and Italy children (and adults, when appropriate) traditionally tack paper fish on each other's back as a trick and shout "april fish!" in their local language ("poisson d'avril!" and "pesce d'aprile!" in French and Italian respectively)."

I think that's a much better tradition than doing something awful to scare or hurt someone. I'm honestly hoping to just go through tomorrow at school without mentioning it at all.

It's been a month-ish since I last posted. Jake is well into being 4. He's had another ear infection this month, but I don't think we're going to get tubes right away because insurance wants 6 in a year before they'll pay for tubes. Currently we're at 4 but if we make it through April without any, then we're back down to 3. It's incredibly frustrating because obviously he needs them again. I'm worried about him becoming amoxicillin resistant like Ellie has become with ear infections. Other than the ears though, he's doing well. He can write his name - which is super cool. He's also pronouncing words more correctly now. He used to say, "lellow" for yellow and since they worked on the letter Y at school, he says "yellow" correctly. He loves learning the letters of the alphabet and is really doing an amazing job at recognizing them. But along with all that comes the age 4 tantrums and he really is incredibly bull-headed and he just wants his way all the time.

Ellie turns 8 in about a week. That doesn't seem possible. We're having a bounce house birthday party at our house again - I'm praying that it doesn't rain. We've had such beautiful weather up until now. She's super excited for her birthday party and honestly, I am too. How is it possible that she's 8. It doesn't seem that long ago that I was pregnant with her and student teaching...

Speaking of teaching, things are going relatively well. The weather has been so beautiful that students are just done, and honestly, I am too. I'm glad we didn't have too many snow days so that we get out on time (my birthday actually) and it seems like the weeks are going to go really fast. It's definitely been a year of learning for me. I feel good about how the year has gone and I'm thinking already of things that I'm going to change for next year. I have 5 students that I'm taking to France with the teacher from Truman and her 22ish students (I don't remember the exact count). It will be a 2 week trip, the same one I went on when I was in high school. I'm incredibly nervous about it. I'm worrying about hosting someone here, staying at their house in France, traveling with students (in general), how my kiddos here are going to handle my being gone, how much I'm going to miss being at home with my family. I know it'll be ok, but it's just getting to that point.

Counting my blessings...

At a time when I'm feeling incredibly down, I feel it important to share something positive... (and yes, I realize I've done this a lot lately, but I've been kind of overwhelmed and down lately)

- Jake's 4th Birthday was Sunday. We had a small family get together at our house. Jake had a wonderful time seeing all the family and especially playing with Emory and all his new toys. Favorite line of the day, "Aww, more clothes?!" He was hilarious and having his birthday party on a day when I got horrible news definitely made the day more manageable.





- My friend and colleague Brandi got me a movie to show my classes for the rest of the week. I need a break and I'm letting the kids have one too. I'm grateful that she was able to help me out today with this.

- My dear friends and my wonderful family have been so supportive during this time. This is a huge loss for all of us and I have needed the support to get through this.

- Even my students today were super awesome and helpful. I know that they're excited about the aforementioned movie but I also know that they are sad to see me not like myself. I know I'll snap out of it and get back to being the teacher they know and love, but right now I'm just overwhelmed and luckily they understand that.

RIP Tasha.

I found out this morning that my friend Tasha has passed away. My heart is broken. I haven't told Ellie yet, but when I do, I know it'll be bad. She was an amazing woman. She was a great teacher. She was just awesome. I was so thankful to get to know her.



She fought for over a year to beat cancer and had such an amazing attitude towards it the whole time. I only hope that if I were faced with the same things that I would have as much poise and grace as she did. She truthfully has inspired me in so many ways.

Rest in Peace, my dear friend, I hope I can someday be half the person you are.

If I could behave like my 7 year old and get away with it...

I would. I would eat whatever I wanted and then cry and complain when I couldn't have what I wanted. I would throw fits about not getting to do what I wanted to do. I would scream constantly about how unfair life is.

What's bad, is that this week I wish I could've acted like that...

The good news is that I have survived the week, now comes the unknown and the unknown is what I fear most. My friend, Ellie's former teacher, is not doing well. My heart is broken for her family and her other friends. Ellie isn't handling it well at all.

In trying to be a good parent, I've been talking to her about it and trying to get her to talk about her feelings. I got a book recommended to me by another friend (Thanks, Noelle!) called Heaven is Real for Kids. It's a beautiful book and I do think it brought some comfort to Ellie. She's read it a couple times now and since it is AR test worthy, I'm going to have her test on it. I also bought a card for my friend and Ellie has said that she wants to draw her a picture and write her something. I would like to get this done and in the mail today.

I think what's been really hard for me is that since Tasha has been in the hospital I've felt that she needed to be working on resting/healing/getting better/focusing on treatment, etc. I felt that people who were visiting her should be family and her close friends. I regret that I didn't ask to go see her, but at the time I was worried about those aforementioned items and also working with students I was worried about exposing her to illness. I hate to think that I have missed my chance to see her especially because now really is about family. I'm hoping/praying that I'll be able to see her this weekend. I'm still praying so much for her but I'm praying for her other friends and family too.

It's amazing how dealing with stress/anger/grief/most of the "sad" emotions can make you want to just forget how we're supposed to behave. I am absolutely at the point of stomping my feet, screaming and throwing a fit. I could scream, "Life isn't fair!" And the adult comes back into my head saying, "You're right it isn't." and I take a deep breath, wipe away my tears, and try to focus on the positive. So again, I'm ending this post with things that are positive.

1. My laundry is all put away (well everything that is clean).
2. We're going to the hockey game tonight.
3. We have tickets for the Comets soccer game next Friday.
4. Jake's birthday party. How is it possible that my baby boy turns 4 on Sunday?! That's a whole other post!
5. Hearing my kids play nicely and laugh while waiting a ridiculously long time to pick up the tickets mentioned in #3.
6. My amazing friends who have been my shoulder to cry on during all of this. They have let me cry, scream, rant and rave and during all of it they are understanding and supportive and honestly they're doing the same thing.

I know there are more, but I'm going to stop there. I have dishes to do and a house to clean up for a little guy's birthday party.

Things I'm grateful for this week...

So it's been another long and hard week here. I honestly think I'm just really tired and am desperately in need of a break from school. Because of how down I'm feeling, I'm going to talk about things I'm thankful for this week. I want to be more positive versus constantly focusing on the negative.

1. My family. While I feel like I really haven't had a lot of time with my husband this week, our kiddos have been SO well behaved. I'm so grateful that we've had a lot more praise than punishment here.

2. The weekend is coming. I'm looking forward to a couple days off school with my family, James included. I'm looking forward to watching movies and eating yummy food and cleaning the house.

3. waffles for dinner. Yep, it's night breakfast time at our house - why? Because I don't have the energy to make anything else and everyone will eat it.

4. being part-time. I love being part-time and being able to leave when I'm done teaching. I can come home and just veg, sleep, plan, whatever I need to do. sometimes I need to get housework done but at least I'm able to do that while kids are at school and are having fun elsewhere.

5. Jake's daycare and Ellie's school. They both go to great schools where I know they are safe. Even with all the little crap that I'm not thrilled about with Ellie's school, I know that most of the time things are positive and she loves it there.

Even just writing those 5 things has put a smile on my face. Now I can go pick up kids and have a nice quiet evening, with waffles for dinner.

Hard week

This week has been incredibly hard for me. I'm not entirely sure why but I have a couple ideas.

1. Ellie's 1st grade teacher, who is also my friend, is battling lung cancer and we found out this week that she had to go back into the hospital. I love her dearly and I'm praying for her for healing and I am asking all of you to do the same. She's an amazing woman and she's fighting so hard. (Please God, send your healing to Tasha, please guide the doctor's hands to help her heal. Amen.) I'm so worried about her.

2. Evaluation time at school. I should be used to this by now, but I'm not. It makes me incredibly nervous because I want to do a good job for these students and I want other people to see that I'm doing a good job. My one meeting went very well today and I have another one next Friday. I know more than likely it'll be ok, but I'm overwhelmed with it all.

3. I've been worried about my kids getting sick. Ellie has felt off all week and of course that puts me on edge. So many kiddos are sick right now and of course they're both in germ factories all day long. I just hope that teaching them to wash their hands a lot and to eat healthy foods will help keep them from getting sick as much.

4. Even though my students really have been good this week, it's been stressful. I'm behind my friend at the other high school and I need to get caught up. I'm feeling overwhelmed with making sure they know what they need to. I do feel good though that my level 1 students wrote paragraphs about people, my level 2 students wrote really good stories about their friends having to do chores, and my level 3 and 4 students are working super hard. I feel like whatever I'm doing in the classroom is obviously working, so that's positive, it was just a hard classroom week for me and I don't know why. I think I can see all the stuff that I need to get done and it's not getting done. Period. I have this HUGE pile of stuff to do and it's not getting any smaller.

5. There's been some other school related stuff that I've not been really happy about, I'm not going to specify - if you really want to know - email me. I think it'll be ok, but I'm waiting to hear what happened today during a meeting.

All in all - I'm glad it's Thursday. I'm glad that tomorrow is Friday and 3 of my hours are taking quizzes. I'm not looking forward to grading all of them, but that's the life of a teacher.

I look back at the week - trying to positive, like I normally am - and see the things that made me happy.

1. Going to Zumba on Monday.
2. Taking Ellie to dance and getting to chat with my friends while she's at dance.
3. Ellie had a great p/t conference at her gifted program.
4. I made the kids "mock-donald's" for dinner (thanks Inga for the idea!) and they were playing with the apple slices and making mustaches, beards and unibrows with them - totally cracked me up.
5. My husband and just how awesome he is. And the fact that he has done a ton of dishes this week and started laundry this morning.
6. New babies!
7. Going out to dinner for James's brother's birthday tomorrow.

There's a lot to be happy about and that is positive this week. I need to focus on that and maybe I can get out of this funk. Plus it's almost the weekend!! Yay!

The Winter That Isn't...

So everyone who lives in the mid-west knows that we haven't had much of a winter. Honestly part of me is really glad for this because I really want to get out of school on time - May 18th sounds like a lovely day for school to get out. Plus Bobbi is due on May 28th (with a girl!!) and I'd love to be able to be at the hospital with her during that time.

Anyway, as a teacher, I do find that I get burnt out this time of year much faster than I do at the beginning. I feel like the monotony of getting through each week and dealing with the same stupid complaints from the students gets to me faster. I'm worn out and I need a break. I'd love a snow day - just one or 2, nothing ridiculous like a week or 10 days. Just 1. Although I don't want to come back after my birthday (May 21st, if you're wondering. I like sparkly things.) Even my kids are feeling it. Ellie and Jake both have asked to stay home on multiple occasions and have been asking when they'll be able to sled again. All I can say is that I don't know.

I really feel like I've become this crazy person monitoring the forecasts and reading weather blogs to see if there's even a small chance of snow for the kids, for myself, for 1 stinking snow day.

All that being said, I almost feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. We've had a couple of minor snow events, and it's been so nice, I just keep thinking it can't stay this way. Eventually we are going to be hit by a major snow storm that will have us out of school for a week and that'll just really suck in May when we're all OVERLY done. We'll see what ends up happening. I'm going to continue to be crazy and watch forecasts and stuff. Maybe my diligence in buying my children winter boots and new yak trax things for my shoes will keep the crazy winter weather away.

Also to update everyone since it's been a while since I've posted...

Work is going well - My students are awesome, great kids in fact and I'm grateful for the opportunity to be in the classroom again. It really is what I'm meant to do. I need to remember that when I'm feeling down about things and hating getting up so early.

Obviously, My sister is pregnant with her 1st child. We're all super excited about the surprise and even more ecstatic that it's a girl!!

Jake and Ellie are both excelling in school. Jake is learning to write his name and the letters and numbers. Ellie is really amazing me at all she's learning. She loves school and we have been so incredibly lucky having another wonderful teacher this year for her. We've added IMPACT (the gifted program) to her schedule this year and she's enjoying that a lot too. She loves the challenge that they present to her and it's really encouraging her to think harder and explain why she got to that conclusion.

Ellie is in her 3rd year of girl scouts. We've been selling girl scout cookies like crazy and we have reached our sales goal and Ellie is super excited about it.

And so far, we've survived...

I was looking at my last post and thinking about how far I've come since then. We did survive Jury Duty. It was actually a very easy process this time. They called one panel and immediately took them away, then called the probate panel and then told the rest of us that we were free to go - that was at like 11 AM.

So, because I got done early and James had taken several days off work, I called him and told him we were done and he left Paradise Park where he had taken the kiddos and we came home and packed up and left for a mini-emergency-vacation to St. Louis. In the span of about 2 hours, I found us an inexpensive hotel, a Groupon for the Magic House (the children's museum), found someone to feed the dog and got us all packed up. We were on the road by 2 and headed towards St. Louis. The kids were excited because we haven't really done the vacation thing since we went to Omaha when Jake was one. The kids watched movies on the iPad and I read books and magazines and used my iPhone for directions and stuff while James was driving. We stayed at a hotel that had a pool and free breakfast, so the first evening we just had dinner out and then swam in the pool until time for bed. The second day we went to the Magic House. That place is incredible. We were there until 1 and the kids were starving and we still hadn't seen everything. We were looking at going to the City Museum but it's a lot of climbing and James and I decided that we would wait until the kiddos were older because I worry about Ellie getting scared while climbing on all the stuff, not only that but it was one of the hottest days of the year so far and a lot of the stuff was outside. We ended up spending the afternoon at the Science center because it's free and there were a lot of things aimed at our kiddos' ages. The kids LOVED it! We got to look at their dinosaur exhibit, the kids really liked the show we saw about cryogenics, and the bridge over the highway where you can see the cars go by and see how fast they're going. SUPER COOL! We left there and went back to the hotel for a bit to rest and decide on dinner. We ended up eating at this little Mexican restaurant. It was super yummy!! Since it had cooled off a little (think 98 instead of 105) we took the kids up to the arch to see it and see the museum in there. They liked being able to touch the arch and have their picture taken with it. They also liked seeing all the stuffed buffalo and deer that they had in the Lewis and Clark museum. The next day was Wednesday, our last day in St. Louis, but before we headed home we stopped at the Butterfly House. James and I had been there before and really enjoyed it. The kids, well, they were kind of freaked out by the butterflies flying so close to them. It was SO humid in there - we were all just dripping with sweat and we were very glad we had gone in the morning before it got super miserable for the day. We saw all kinds of cool bugs and some of the most beautiful butterflies. Then began our trek home and the kids talked for a long time about how much fun they had and how they can't wait to go back. I can't wait to take them on their next vacation - which is to Disney! (part of the reason why I took the teaching job!!)

So onto teaching. Honestly, it's going very well. I have some really wonderful students. I have some that are not so wonderful, but honestly even then, they're just being kids. I do live for the weekends when I have a lot of time with James and the kiddos, I miss them terribly during the day. I've had to let go of a lot since I've been at work. I really liked taking Ellie to school and knowing for a fact that she got there safely, trusting the bus to get her there has been a major issue for me, but she gets to school every day and I get there to pick her up and she's loving it. She also started the gifted program this year. She's really loving that too. One of her teachers is a teacher that I had in the gifted program when I was a kid!! Ellie loves both her teachers, she loves riding the bus to a different school on Fridays. She does miss her friends, but that's normal. She also has to be more responsible because her spelling tests are on Thursdays instead of Fridays (when she's at impact) and she has extra work for Impact that she has to do. She's doing a great job with all of it so far and is so happy!

The question is, am I happy? Ya know, I don't know. I miss having the freedom to do whatever I want. I miss being home with Jake and having a clean house and stuff like that. I hate going to work at 6:30 in the morning and missing all the morning stuff. I hate waking up at 5:30. But I really like my students. I think I'm doing a good job of teaching them. I feel like they like me. I don't know where I stand on things yet and maybe that's a good thing. Basically I've been told that if I don't keep numbers up in the French program that there won't be one next year - so maybe it's best if I don't get too attached. *shrug*

Going back to work

So, apparently I'm the new French teacher at a high school here. It's a part-time gig. I wasn't really sure I'd even end up with the job because I figured who would hire someone who hadn't taught in 3 years. Anyway, I got the job. I have moments of major freak out about whether or not I'm ready to go back to work. I have other moments where I'm really looking forward to it and am ready for the new challenge. I worry about Jake at daycare. I hope he handles it ok. I worry about Ellie riding the bus. I also worry about all the time I have to give up away from my family. I know that it will all be ok. I don't think that this would've fallen in my lap if it wasn't where I was supposed to be. Those of you who read this, if anyone does, keep me in your thoughts and prayers with this new endeavor.

Also, I have to go complete my jury duty on August 1st. Lord help me there. I am nervous about going back but I've decided that it will all be ok and I'm looking forward to a day to sit and read my book.

Complaints

I'm going to complain here about several things that have been bothering me lately.

1. Jury Duty - I had a horrible jury duty experience at the beginning of this week and unfortunately have to go back because apparently my 8 hours in the jury room and courtroom don't count. And having the judge yell at me that I think I'm so special because I have no one to watch my children and can't come back the next morning at 9 am, just really was the icing on the cake. I understand that it's our obligation since we live in a free society, blah blah blah, but seriously, I don't ever want to have to do that again. Horrible. I have anxiety anyway, and that just threw me over the edge. I'm actually going to ask my doctor to write me a letter to see if they'll excuse me.

2. People asking for money - I have a former friend who keeps asking people for money. My opinion is that if you don't have the money for this extra thing in your lives, then you don't need that extra thing. The economy is horrible right now. People are worrying about how they're going to feed their children and you're asking for money for something ridiculous? Yeah, no, f you! Not happening.

3. Divorce - coming from a broken home myself, I always feel major pain when people divorce. Sometimes divorce is what needs to happen, but I know the pain and suffering that my mother, sister and I went through during the time the divorce was in progress. It's not easy to tear a family apart and no matter which side you are on, it still hurts. I've seen too many families recently who are going through this and my heart hurts for them all. I'm afraid for my friendships because I feel like now we can't do things as families, it's now one on one and I liked being able to do things as families. I also worry about the children involved in these situations. I know how messed up it made me and I worry that these children will have major problems with relationships.

I'm not judging anyone, well except the people in complaint #2 - and that's a specific family that I'm talking about. I understand that some people like jury duty - good for them - I wish that I had a better attitude about it, but I don't. I also understand that divorce is inevitable for some families. It still breaks my heart and I hate to see people go through that.

Medical problems

Thursday after I wrote my previous blog I had a few more palpitations. Friday I had a couple in the evening. But I got great news on Friday. I went to my doctor in the morning to follow up after the ER visit. I totally cried to my doctor about things and talked about what was going on with the heart palpitations and the anxiety, etc. At that point we didn't have my blood work and the EKG from the ER, so I went to my chiropractor appointment and then waited around for like 40 minutes and finally the ER got my stuff to me. My doc pulled me into the hallway and showed me what was found - my EKG was normal, for sure. Two things from my blood work was weird - my white blood cell count was high (I go back in for repeat blood work on that in 2 weeks) and my TSH was high - which means my thyroid is low! Turns out I'm hypothyroid and that can cause heart palpitations, depression, anxiety, exhaustion, brittle nails, dry skin... the list goes on and on. Those are just the minor symptoms I've been having for a while. I'm so relieved because now we're pretty sure we know why I'm having the heart palpitations and why I've been feeling SO awful. I'm now on thyroid meds and am going to be monitored very closely. If when my thyroid is normal, I'm still having palpitations, then I will have to go through the process of a halter monitor for my heart and seeing what's wrong with my heart. Praying that thyroid is the answer and that I have a pretty easy fix here.

While at the doc I asked about dancing at the Wyandotte County Ethnic Festival because I was scheduled to dance this morning (Saturday). I was able to and very excited about it. The show went really well and as far as I know the knew dance looked really good. I wish I had pictures to upload from it, but I don't yet. I think my friend Angel's son took some, but I'm unsure.

Mommy guilt

My mom's quote from the other day really summarizes my life. "You have made being a stay at home job one of the worst jobs I could possibly imagine. You are so busy and you never have time for yourself."

At first I laughed and then I realized that she was right. I love being a stay at home mom. I love being able to raise my children, be there when they are sick, teach them awesome things by going on field trips or even making a grocery trip a learning experience. I love cooking - which 4 years ago, I would have told you that i hated it. I honestly love trying new recipes and figuring out how to make them better/easier/etc. But my week is booked. Every single day I have something to do, somewhere to go. I occasionally have days where I stay home and enjoy watching tv/movies with Jake. Sometimes we only have 1 errand to run and then I spend the rest of the day at home playing with Jake. I feel guilty if I don't run at least one load of laundry or do a load of dishes. I feel guilty if I don't help out up at Ellie's school when I can and do extra stuff up there. With that, came complete exhaustion. I'm so tired, constantly, from not being able to let myself rest.

My body finally told me that I had to rest. I didn't have a choice. After my dance rehearsal on Tuesday night I was trying to go to bed but my heart kept racing and then would slow down a lot and then thump back into a normal heartbeat. It did it over and over again and it really scared me. I ended up going to the Emergency Room because I couldn't get it to stop. They did an EKG and blood work and apparently it's all normal - I'm just exhausted. James and I finally got home Wednesday morning at 2:45. Thank God he stayed home with me on Wednesday so that I could rest and try and get feeling back to normal. I had a couple more times where the palpitations came on Wednesday but not near as bad as Tuesday night. Last night I didn't have them at all and today honestly, I feel mostly normal. I go back to the doctor on Friday to see what they have to say.

What this has made me realize is that I can no longer have mommy guilt or guilt at all for saying no. I am going to take better care of myself - which I had already started to do by eating more healthfully and also exercising more. I've lost another 4 lbs. I feel like slowly but surely I'm going to reach my physical health goals. Now I have to focus on my mental health goals. I can no longer be so stressed out all the time. It isn't good. I have to let things go. I have to focus on me. So, please don't be offended if I tell you no for something soon, I have decided that for my mental health, I'm going to say no a lot more. I'm not going to be taken advantage of and feel angry about it. I'm not going to kill myself trying to clean my house and do laundry because my house looks lived in and not pristine. No more mommy guilt.

It's been a year, might as well post again...

As you can see, I'm horrible about blogging. I have so many wonderful mommy friends who blog all the time. I wish I had the time, motivation, energy, things to write about... well, I'm hoping to start having more things to write about. (Honestly, I have TONS to write about and maybe that's my problem...)

Anyway, Jake just turned 3 and he's SO full of energy that I find myself not being able to keep up. It doesn't help that I'm the heaviest I've ever been, non-pregnant. I was recently diagnose with bursitis in my hip and while my doctor gave me a cortisol shot, and it helped, I'm still having some pain with it. I've realized the only way to get rid of the pain is to lose the weight. So I decided 2 weeks ago that I was going to change my eating habits. I wasn't doing this for anyone but me and my family. I want to be around for a very long time and to enjoy my children growing up and enjoy my children's children.

So my focus is 5 servings of fruit and veggies a day (which is REALLY hard to do), smaller portion sizes, 6 small meals a day instead of 3 large meals, and trying to work out for at least 30 minutes a day.

Today I weighed myself for the first time in 2 weeks - in that time I've lost 7 pounds. That's mostly just focusing on food intake. This week I've exercised every day for at least 30 minutes (I realize it's only Wednesday, but 3 days in a row is good!)

So, I figure, if I can lose 2 pounds a week, in 6 months I'll have reached my goal. And don't get me wrong, I totally have cheated on my diet - Saturday I blew the whole day by drinking a bunch at this fundraiser. I've had ice cream a couple times. I just figure it's all about moderation and making sure that I keep active and get my fruits and veggies. The worst part is that I really hate salad and I'm eating A LOT of salad. It's going ok though and I figure I'll just do the best I can.

Halloween

This year has been a lot of fun and also insanely busy as Halloween's go. We've had a million parties and Jake has enjoyed it this year, but also I'm head room mom and was put in charge of planning our class's Halloween party.